Having a crappy day and this made me laugh out loud so figured I’d share it with my family…..RECTUM STRETCHER
While she was “flying” down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.
The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, “What’s your hurry?”
To which she replied, “I’m late for work.”
Oh yeah,” said the cop, “what do you do?”
I’m a rectum stretcher,” she responded.
The cop stammered, “A what? A rectum stretcher?
And just what does a rectum stretcher do?”
“Well,” she said, “I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it’s about 6 feet wide.”
“And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole? “ he asked.
“You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge…”
Traffic Ticket – $95.00
Court Costs - $45.00
Look on the Cop’s Face…............PRICELESS
Out of respect for our good law enforcement officers – I only laughed a little bit!
Thanks for the chuckle.
well, That title sure got my attention! Thanks for the giggle and a joke I will never be able to repeat to anyone, tee hee. Which reminds me, you have been a bit lax about posting the funnies lately. Let’s get with it, buddy!
well only because I have been getting slammed by every doctor who has nothing better to do than keep me busy my get this Doogie Howser looking neurologist calls me back after my labs come back and says great labs oh except your vitamin D deficient and oh yeah your TSH is near DOUBLE normal which I come to find out is normal for us Head and Neckers after radiation and after approx 1.4 years Im at 1.7 years so he says go see your PCP Im forwarding your labs to him. No way Im going to find a real endocrinologist to deal with this cluster bomb…....... Ive seen thyroid afflicted people hell I am one so Im not leaving that up to my PCP to start lookin up on friggin Web MD to figure out. Then he scrips me 50,000 units of Vitamin D one a week for 6 months every time I take those Im sick to my stomach for a day so i take that the day before Easter and ruin one of the best eating days of the year thank god I saved my nausea meds from Chemo so I could just eat on top of the nausea. So onece again 18 months out and Chemo and Radiation the gift that keeps on giving literally keeps on giving….......the good news is this Friday I get to see a dear friend finish chemo and ring the bell I donated to the Cancer ctr at AAMC in Annapolis her husband cant be there so we’ll video it for him take her to lunch and make a very big deal of it. It seems everyone makes a huge deal of it now and it has become a rather special event so it will be nice to sort of see what Ive started first hand. Thats all for now just waiting as always for the other shoe to drop thinking how many shoes are left on the millipede to drop after these…............
Mike, I think about your bell all the time. I can’t tell you how fondly I think of it, like it was part of me.
And you sure wrote a mouthful. Glad you had the nausea pill stash.
Hey Mike my name is Vince Harris. I was wondering how you were feeling 6 weeks out of treatment. I went through a pretty intense radiation treatment of 30 treatments and 5 chemo sessions due to my cancer having an unknown primary.